That Kinda “Numb” Feeling

Sometimes you don’t want to write, and that’s okay, I promise. It’s hard to put into words occasionally how you feel, or to be that peppy blogging reviewer person you aimed to be when you started posting. Sometimes you just need a break which is what I’ve done. It wasn’t a conscious decision, it just kind of happened. But now I’m back, for the moment contemplating about whether I should even be writing a post like this.

If you have been following my blog for a while now you will most likely have seen one or two of my “What Made Me Smile” posts. I wrote them for the first 5 weeks of my blog and then somewhat ran face first into a brick wall. I was writing week 6 (a few weeks ago now) and I couldn’t get past Tuesday. I asked myself what made me smile, and I felt nothing. Now I wasn’t having a bad time or anything, in fact the last few weeks have been perfectly fine and normal for me, some ups, some downs but nothing significantly bad. I just feel numb. It feels like I have forgotten to feel sometimes, leaving me unmotivated, numb, kind of empty. Nothing matters, nothing counts, you just feel empty.

But not always of course. I do have my magically, breathtaking moments of laughter and sheer joy that I treasure for all the world with my friends and family. I’ve realised that sometimes it can be like a dark cloud is surrounding our minds however and in a way it’s harder to appreciate these moments. And so I have been led to sign up for a lifeskills workshop running weekly in my college for 6 weeks, of which it’s main aim is to show you how to live life to the full. It’s run by Aware – an Irish organisation offering support to those specifically with depression and bipolar disorder.

I’ve attended the first session so far. A group of us (all girls except one) stood awkwardly outside the doors of the red room awaiting what was to come, all of us needing something from it, none of us knowing each other, all of us curious. I’m guessing some didn’t even tell anyone that they were signing up. After all, we live in a society where mental health problems are often discussed on the down low (but this is changing of course!). We were greeted by a nice woman, who introduced herself and asked us one by one our names, and also what talent we would like to wake up with. An interesting ice-breaker I must say. I’m glad it didn’t go on too long, for I hate those blasted ice-breakers we’re often faced with. She gave us little books called “Why Do I Feel So Bad?” and “Write All Over Your Bathroom Mirror” – and with these and some group exercises, she showed us little by little how we can improve our way of thinking and our behaviour for the better.

What I’m trying to say basically is: It’s okay not to be okay (cheesy I know, but it’s true), Writers block is a huge pain, Support groups and workshops could be worth your time, and YOU’RE NOT ALONE – There are so many people you don’t even know exist that are feeling the same way you do (it took going to that lifeskills workshop and meeting a complete group of me to realise that but oh well). Also feeling nothing is a feeling too. I describe it as a numb feeling but maybe you have a different word for that. Anyway thank you for reading. I love you all, and sorry for such a long break in my posts ❤

Lucy x

Staying Positive

Staying positive at any time of the year seems to be a challenge for many. But I myself have found that in the height of winter’s dark days and underlying gloom, it can become even harder. During the winter months we tend to be also at the height of our work load, with Christmas approaching, exams looming and the days getting shorter. Overall this equals lower moods and heightened stress levels. It’s no wonder that depression and suicide rates reach all time highs at this time of year. With this in mind I think it is important to highlight the need to take care of not only ourselves but those around us especially at this time of year.

This year one of my (long overdue) resolutions is to work on my mental health and the first step I am taking is to be more positive in my everyday life. I personally think that a positive mindset is the key to good mental health and am willing to prove it to you by the end of 2016 when I hopefully will have reached my goal. So stay tuned!

I’m leaving below a little list of things I’m going to do for this month and each month I will add more things to the list and post a little update on how I’m doing so that by the end of the year I will have changed my lifestyle in little ways that will effect my mental health in a huge way.

Staying Positive January Goals & Tasks:

  1. Continue writing my “What Made Me Smile” posts every week.
  2. Pick a quote each day in order to inspire myself and apply it to that day.
  3. Donate money and help others whenever I can.
  4. If I make mistakes (which I do all the time), take a deep breath and learn from them.

These are my January goals & tasks! Will you be joining me in my journey to good mental health? Leave your own ideas on being positive below for everyone to see! Together we can do this 🙂 ❤

Lucy x

New Year Resolutions

(I may be a slight bit late with this post since it’s the 9th of January now, but better late than never since I’m only deciding on resolutions now!)

Every year most of us try to make resolutions that we will stick to. Whether we do so or not, that’s another story. But never the less, the intention is there. I myself, have never been good with sticking to them, but this year I will try again. 2016 is a year I am really looking forward to. I’m going into semester 2 of my first year in university, I’m surrounded by friends and family, I have lots of concerts and trips planned already and I’m visiting my very best friend in the whole world in March (she moved to England a few years ago). Overall I have a feeling that this is going to be a good year, but of course it is up to myself to make sure it is. I quite enjoy new years I have to say, in the same way that I enjoy new weeks or new days. Each of these to me is a new beginning, another chance to wake up clear headed and face the world. So here are my new year resolutions:

  • Be healthier, fitter & stronger // Detox my body
  • Continue blogging, improving  & learning more about it
  • Read more books & keep a record of the books I read (at least 2 books every month)
  • Spend more time with friends & family
  • Plan lots of trips & adventures (So far this year I’m going to 4 concerts, 2 shows, London and Prague!! I’m very excited for 2016)
  • Work on my mental health
  • Start saving a small amount of money, every week that I can only spend on what I see fit to in the next new year – 2017

I could probably make more resolutions than this, but I’m gonna stop for now. I might actually do a monthly update on these resolutions to help with keeping them. Let me know if we have any of the same resolutions or if there’s any big ones you’re really focusing on yourself this year. Thank you for reading!

Lucy x

What Made Me Smile Week 3

SUNDAY: Spent the day relaxing with one of my bestest friends for the first time in months.

MONDAY: Met Jem in town & got all my Christmas shopping for my Mom done today at last!

TUESDAY: I went to see the new Star Wars movie which I loved (BB-8 was definitely my favourite) and then went out for a few Christmas drinks with my friends. I had a little too much to drink but they took care of me which makes me smile.

WEDNESDAY: 6am Christmas tesco trip with my mom with a slight hangover? I think so. Also Jem came over = doctor who, lots of food , cuddles & smiles of course.

THURSDAY: It’s Christmas Eve, which equals LOTS of quality time with the family.

FRIDAY: IT’S CHRISTMAS DAY! 3:30 am start with my bros? I personally don’t think there’s a better morning for it. My mom was delighted with the presents I bought her (especially the coffee machine) so I’m happy that she’s happy.

SATURDAY: With Christmas day over for another year we are spending the whole day relaxing by the fire in our pjs and will watch movies later this evening (if the electricity is back). Since the electricity went for a while my brothers and I took out our new colouring books and coloured together. This is definitely my favourite time of the year.

Another day, another post of what made me smile this week. I hope you all had a wonderful Christmassy week too. Let me know what made you smile this week, big or small, it all counts. A big thank you to all of my followers who read my posts and leave feedback and lovely comments. You guys are amazing and make me smile all the time.

Lucy x

What Made Me Smile Week 1

SUNDAY: I spent the day relaxing but also got a little bit of study done and started this blog. I also talked to some old friends on facebook which made me smile. I am so thankful for them.

MONDAY: My dad came home today. He’s okay and enjoys spinning around in circles in his wheelchair acting like a child which makes me smile. My mom surprised me with some presents from England which included a knitted jumper, a tin of M & M’s, a bottle of Smirnoff vodka and a Harry Potter colouring book.

TUESDAY: I made it through my first college exam without failing miserably/crying hysterically! I enjoyed skipping/running in the cold dragging James along & then spent the night eating crisps and chocolate  while watching Doctor Who.

WEDNESDAY: My order from boots.ie came!! (lots of new brushes and other bits and pieces; see haul post #1)

THURSDAY: I went to visit Santa with my younger brothers and parents, a family tradition which probably wont last much longer as my brothers are growing up but I enjoy it still despite being 18.

FRIDAY: I went Christmas shopping with my mom and we got lunch together.

SATURDAY (today): I think I made it through physics in one piece?! Only one more semester 1 exam on Monday and then I’m free  until the end of January. I had the wrong bus ticket with me but the bus driver let me on anyway without having to pay extra. What a kind man. Happy happy.

Life goes by at such a speed that we often forget to stop and think about what makes us happy, and what makes us smile, what we should be appreciative of. Instead we tend to focus on the bad, the stressfulness, the negatives, getting caught up in what can be a tangle of tiredness and worry. So stop for a moment and think, what made you smile this week? Let me know 🙂

Lucy x