That Kinda “Numb” Feeling

Sometimes you don’t want to write, and that’s okay, I promise. It’s hard to put into words occasionally how you feel, or to be that peppy blogging reviewer person you aimed to be when you started posting. Sometimes you just need a break which is what I’ve done. It wasn’t a conscious decision, it just kind of happened. But now I’m back, for the moment contemplating about whether I should even be writing a post like this.

If you have been following my blog for a while now you will most likely have seen one or two of my “What Made Me Smile” posts. I wrote them for the first 5 weeks of my blog and then somewhat ran face first into a brick wall. I was writing week 6 (a few weeks ago now) and I couldn’t get past Tuesday. I asked myself what made me smile, and I felt nothing. Now I wasn’t having a bad time or anything, in fact the last few weeks have been perfectly fine and normal for me, some ups, some downs but nothing significantly bad. I just feel numb. It feels like I have forgotten to feel sometimes, leaving me unmotivated, numb, kind of empty. Nothing matters, nothing counts, you just feel empty.

But not always of course. I do have my magically, breathtaking moments of laughter and sheer joy that I treasure for all the world with my friends and family. I’ve realised that sometimes it can be like a dark cloud is surrounding our minds however and in a way it’s harder to appreciate these moments. And so I have been led to sign up for a lifeskills workshop running weekly in my college for 6 weeks, of which it’s main aim is to show you how to live life to the full. It’s run by Aware – an Irish organisation offering support to those specifically with depression and bipolar disorder.

I’ve attended the first session so far. A group of us (all girls except one) stood awkwardly outside the doors of the red room awaiting what was to come, all of us needing something from it, none of us knowing each other, all of us curious. I’m guessing some didn’t even tell anyone that they were signing up. After all, we live in a society where mental health problems are often discussed on the down low (but this is changing of course!). We were greeted by a nice woman, who introduced herself and asked us one by one our names, and also what talent we would like to wake up with. An interesting ice-breaker I must say. I’m glad it didn’t go on too long, for I hate those blasted ice-breakers we’re often faced with. She gave us little books called “Why Do I Feel So Bad?” and “Write All Over Your Bathroom Mirror” – and with these and some group exercises, she showed us little by little how we can improve our way of thinking and our behaviour for the better.

What I’m trying to say basically is: It’s okay not to be okay (cheesy I know, but it’s true), Writers block is a huge pain, Support groups and workshops could be worth your time, and YOU’RE NOT ALONE – There are so many people you don’t even know exist that are feeling the same way you do (it took going to that lifeskills workshop and meeting a complete group of me to realise that but oh well). Also feeling nothing is a feeling too. I describe it as a numb feeling but maybe you have a different word for that. Anyway thank you for reading. I love you all, and sorry for such a long break in my posts ❤

Lucy x

What Made Me Smile Week 5

SUNDAY: I woke up to some lovely comments on my posts from my followers. It really brightened my day. I love you all! ❤

MONDAY: Had lunch with my mom in town – some quality time was well needed.

TUESDAY: I won a little instagram competition for my posts about @missfitskinnytea. You could say  very excited about this.

WEDNESDAY: Got my brothers ready for school and they both hugged me really tightly before leaving. My neighbour brought more baked goods!

THURSDAY: My tea came in the post!

FRIDAY: I reached 100 followers on this blog!

SATURDAY: I am currently babysitting 2 of my cousins and having a Disney movie night with them 🙂

What made you smile this week?

Lucy x

 

 

What Made Me Smile Week 4

It’s crazy to think that this is my fourth week of noting all the little everyday things that make me smile. It really does make a difference. It’s almost ironic coming from me, but when you look back you realise that things are a lot better than they seem if you appreciate those little things.

MONDAY: Spent the day relaxing and watching Doctor Who!

TUESDAY: My neighbour came to visit with a plate of chocolate biscuit cake and apple pie. She’s very sweet.

WEDNESDAY: I went to see Mary Poppins in the Bord Gais Energy Theatre with my Mom. It was a truly magical performance which had me smiling from start to finish 🙂

THURSDAY: The hotel I stayed in (The Ballsbridge Hotel) with my Mom had a pancake machine!? I am in love. I must go back.

FRIDAY: Colouring date with James & got to see most of my family as it was my brother’s birthday. I hadn’t seen some of my aunts and uncles in a while so it was nice to catch up.

SATURDAY: Just going to chill for the day. No stress.

Lucy x

 

What Made Me Smile Week 3

SUNDAY: Spent the day relaxing with one of my bestest friends for the first time in months.

MONDAY: Met Jem in town & got all my Christmas shopping for my Mom done today at last!

TUESDAY: I went to see the new Star Wars movie which I loved (BB-8 was definitely my favourite) and then went out for a few Christmas drinks with my friends. I had a little too much to drink but they took care of me which makes me smile.

WEDNESDAY: 6am Christmas tesco trip with my mom with a slight hangover? I think so. Also Jem came over = doctor who, lots of food , cuddles & smiles of course.

THURSDAY: It’s Christmas Eve, which equals LOTS of quality time with the family.

FRIDAY: IT’S CHRISTMAS DAY! 3:30 am start with my bros? I personally don’t think there’s a better morning for it. My mom was delighted with the presents I bought her (especially the coffee machine) so I’m happy that she’s happy.

SATURDAY: With Christmas day over for another year we are spending the whole day relaxing by the fire in our pjs and will watch movies later this evening (if the electricity is back). Since the electricity went for a while my brothers and I took out our new colouring books and coloured together. This is definitely my favourite time of the year.

Another day, another post of what made me smile this week. I hope you all had a wonderful Christmassy week too. Let me know what made you smile this week, big or small, it all counts. A big thank you to all of my followers who read my posts and leave feedback and lovely comments. You guys are amazing and make me smile all the time.

Lucy x

What Made Me Smile Week 2

After the success of last weeks post I decided to do it again this week!

SUNDAY: I spent more time sleeping than anything today, so not much smiling but I did get some really nice Chinese with James and we ate it while watching Doctor Who – perfection.

MONDAY: I finished my semester one exams andddd got my class hoodie.

TUESDAY: Finally home for the Christmas holidays after present shopping with Jem in Dundrum. My little brother came in when he heard I was home to inform me that there was only 10 days til Christmas and gave me a huge hug.

WEDNESDAY: Went grocery shopping with my mom and we got coffee together; Mother – Daughter time is the best!

THURSDAY: The other science class reps and I contemplated the idea of a class Platinum Week (go out every night and also go to every lecture) next semester and how much we would all die. Also Hakeem sent me a video of him falling while ice skating – pretty funny.

FRIDAY: Reached 35 followers on this blog and all of them leave me the nicest comments which make me smile so much! 🙂

SATURDAY: I told one of my brothers he was beautiful and another of my brother’s chipped in with the Christina Aguilera song, singing “In every single way, words can’t bring you down. It was so funny 😀

Lucy x

What Made Me Smile Week 1

SUNDAY: I spent the day relaxing but also got a little bit of study done and started this blog. I also talked to some old friends on facebook which made me smile. I am so thankful for them.

MONDAY: My dad came home today. He’s okay and enjoys spinning around in circles in his wheelchair acting like a child which makes me smile. My mom surprised me with some presents from England which included a knitted jumper, a tin of M & M’s, a bottle of Smirnoff vodka and a Harry Potter colouring book.

TUESDAY: I made it through my first college exam without failing miserably/crying hysterically! I enjoyed skipping/running in the cold dragging James along & then spent the night eating crisps and chocolate  while watching Doctor Who.

WEDNESDAY: My order from boots.ie came!! (lots of new brushes and other bits and pieces; see haul post #1)

THURSDAY: I went to visit Santa with my younger brothers and parents, a family tradition which probably wont last much longer as my brothers are growing up but I enjoy it still despite being 18.

FRIDAY: I went Christmas shopping with my mom and we got lunch together.

SATURDAY (today): I think I made it through physics in one piece?! Only one more semester 1 exam on Monday and then I’m free  until the end of January. I had the wrong bus ticket with me but the bus driver let me on anyway without having to pay extra. What a kind man. Happy happy.

Life goes by at such a speed that we often forget to stop and think about what makes us happy, and what makes us smile, what we should be appreciative of. Instead we tend to focus on the bad, the stressfulness, the negatives, getting caught up in what can be a tangle of tiredness and worry. So stop for a moment and think, what made you smile this week? Let me know 🙂

Lucy x